We want to send a huge thank you to Erin over at The Barista Mama for sharing her blog with us this week. This is part of our guest blogger series, Parenting During the Pandemic. If you'd like to see more of Erin's journey, head over to The Barista Mama and tell her we sent you :)
It’s incredibly early in the morning when I write this, and I am watching my 1 year old daughter happily bounce in her jumperoo even though she is far older than most babies to continue to enjoy it so much. But who am I to deny her such delight? Plus it gives me some much needed rest before the craziness of the day starts. Very early wakes up still throw me for a loop, but if you had told me a few years ago I would be regularly getting up at 5 AM with only about 6 hours of sleep for an entire year I would have thought you were nuts. But that’s what happens before you have kids. You think you’ve felt fatigue, stress, anxiety and fear. But really you have NO IDEA what those are until you have a miniature version of yourself that relies solely on you and your ability to make decisions. All of the sudden you question every sneeze, thoroughly exam every mark, and know far too much about someone else’s poo habits.
My life is my home
But know this, I love the new life I have. Its scary and every day I question myself or something about her development, even a year later. She’s already a headstrong beautiful girl, and her dad and I know that she is going to be one spirited handful. But she’s the exact split image of us two, and it’s pretty incredible to witness her figure new things out, each and every day. You see them growing and becoming their own little person, but then you stare at your phone for hours on end when they are asleep, breathing in all the innocent sweetness of them as newborns. That’s one of the hardest parts of being a parent. You’re torn between enjoy the sweet moments of them when they were just little squishy balls of cuteness, to being present enough to enjoy the small moments that happen here and now, but then also worrying and dreaming of what their future’s potential may be. Sometimes I miss my simple life before her. But that’s all life was until I had her. Simple. Now my life is so full of love, so spontaneous yet planned, so full of people and things that I realize the true value of, so important. I have lot in my life that I would fight for now, and that’s why the last week has been a real test of just how Mama Bear I can be.
It’s a crazy world we live in these days…
Not only is it a time during a crazy pandemic that has almost crippled some world economies, but it’s also the time in which my husband and I bought a house, moved to a new town and are celebrating the growth of our daughter from becoming a baby to a full fledged toddler. It’s been a fast paced last 7 months, and the one thing that I thought would be constant was my job. Being a receptionist in a natural health clinic was not some goal I had as a child, but it had been a constant in my life for the last 2 years, and I had finally found somewhere that I enjoyed. But this pandemic has thrown everyone for a loop, that’s for sure. The whole world is scared, anxious, uncertain and constantly questioning.
But for now, I’m enjoying my coffee watching it rain outside while my rambunctious one is now asleep for her nap. I’m wondering what the upcoming week with my new job will be, how I’m going to balance being a mom and wife while also training in a job field I am completely fresh to. I’m trying to push the worries of the crazy big world off to the side to focus on my small little world, my family.
- Erin Uhlman, The Barista Mama